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2013-11-27 20:54:56  来源:百度文库  会员:最美散文   作者:最美散文



"It is unfair to him" was the last word I heard she had said until I bumped into her in the street the other day. And deep into the night I've stayed before computer, writing up this diary, in memory of my true love story two years ago.

2003年夏天我爱上了一位美丽的姑娘,她早在4年前就有了男朋友。 我伤心欲绝。


那年我29岁。 今年我31岁。我的爱再也不会无怨无悔,再也不会义无反顾,再也 不会浪漫纯真……我开始领略岁月的苍桑,爱情的无奈。我……不再多情。


Chance Encounter

Is there really God arranging everybody's life? Is it true that something is doomed to happen at some certain occasion? Do all of us have to live providentially? Given our education about science and evolution, this sounds like quite absurd. But miracles happen every day on this planet, around you and me.

Whenever you are in a haste, unexpected emergencies all happen together, driving you nuts. Toward four O'clock, I got nervous at office. My appointment with the doctor is at four, but there were documents to print, telephone calls to take, and one of my colleagues, who had not bothered me earlier, burst out a SOS call to rescue her computer that was freezing. By the time I had attended to every request, it was well over 4:30 pm. I grabbed my bag, kicked open the door, slummed it behind me, and darted downstairs.

I don't know why I was still conscious of things around me being in such a big hassle. Or perhaps by a mysterious inspiration I remained sensitive. Just when I was about todash through the main gate of the office block, Daisy abruptly appeared before my eyes. I could not believe it, but she was alive smiling in front of me, black blouse, long hair, slender and well-shaped. Underneath the same surprise she was bearing a sweet smile, eyes twinkling, face blooming. Her lips moved a bit, trying to utter a greeting first, but I was quicker.

"My good heavens! Fancy seeing you here. where on earth have you been these years? Hasn't it been two years? You did not change much."

"Yeah, that's such a coincidence. Well, I have always been in Chengdu, working for my mas-ter's degree." Her voice remained nice and tender. She had had a female friend walking together, and now standing by to offer us a private talk.

"That's fab. Do you wanna stay in Chengdu after graduation?"

"Yes, I love this city. And I will graduate next year. I will secure a job right here."

She looked at me for a moment, but soon intentionally avoided eye contact with me. There remained the same shyness on her face, just as yesterday.

Alas, it was fresh and lovely just like yesterday.

Two years! It has been two years since I last saw her.

Time flies. We changed. Memories, happy or sad, remained ironed in my mind, years to come!

From Ecstasy to Grief

Summer 2003, a beautiful season with stories. I was enchanted and soon saddened. I was first like on top of the world, screaming "God, I am the happiest guy", but soon, on a dark night, after 10:30 pm, staggered out of home into the lonely street, looking for cigarette. I hid myself at a corner of the street where nobody could see me, tears flooding out, and I could hear myself weeping. I tried hard to remind myself that I am a man, that I should stand up and walk home holding my head high. My head grew heavy, however, drooping deep down. I was crying like a coward.


I lost love, and it was a heavy strike on my then naive heart. Truly I was feeling sad deep inside; truly I was crying my heart out; truly I was like a desperate man.

I did not buy alcohol but finished one whole pack of Zhong Hua cigarette. I usually smoked five-yuan cheap buy, but that night I dragged myself to a grocery store, asking for the most expensive pack. I did not care. What was money good for when you believe it was the end of the World? It could not buy me love. If I had had 1,000 yuan cash in my wallet, I would have spent it all.

I could not complain. I just met a good girl at the wrong time. She had been hanging with her classmate almost four years before meeting me. She said "no" with determination when I clearly proposed to her. And that response took my heart away, putting me to deep grief.

It was real just like yesterday.

Indulgence to her

Before I was bold enough to propose, I had a happy relationship with her for roughly 30 days. Those days was my paradise. Just seeing her around was my best ecstasy. The world was nice; the people everywhere were friendly; all my colleagues had never been so lovely. I was behaving the most nicely in my life.

Immediately I quitted smoking, sleeping late or lingering in bed in the morning. There had been no response from her, or precisely, she had never been aware of my hot affection. But I was happily intoxicated in the love delusion I had created myself.

It was a dream, in which everything I did was for her. Every day I woke up grateful for the blessing of going to see her again; I started morning exercises that had beenstopped since college graduation; I would happily walk my doggie and picture an imaginary life with her where she and I were walking the doggie together; I would call her just to say hello, and started bragging about my lovely pet. She was always polite and friendly, and yet never implicated a sense of affection. The silly me stubbornly hoped that she might have become a little interested. And then I got crazy.

I wanted to know more about her. So I wrote her emails whenever I was struck emotionally. The highest record was five emails a day. No response. She simply ignored them.

I continued bombarding her with endless affectionate sweet words through emails, until finally she wrote back. If I had not remembered wrong, she totally wrote back two, both claiming that I was only a friend of her.

"What a poor excuse!"

I did not want to give up. Before she gave me a good reason, I wouldn't be disheartened.

"You've got to insist. Girls wouldn't accept a man easily, but are broken through in a long run." I strongly believed in this word that my bloody friends had preached. I will never, I say to myself today, believe and apply that any more!

I will now laugh at my crazy sentiments. I was really like a high school student despite the fact that I was then 29.

Email "Hacking"

One day I was so curious of her I decided to snoop into her emails. She was using an office desktop computer. I had not learned MCSE at that time and there was no domain yet in office.

We were working peer on peer. So there was no way sneaking into her computer through the intranet. I did not know any hacking technology, but later on she seriously believed I had hacked her. It was but a smart guessing of her password.

By my experience girls usually do not have a good sense of security about emails, computer system etc. So all of a sudden an idea came to me—she may be using the username of her email address as the password. I immediately tried.

Bingo! It worked like a charm! I was able to see all her emails.

That was very immoral and even a crime. I was only too involved. To my great frustration there was no clue as to what she might be thinking after I'd browsed through hundreds of her emails, most of which were spams from all online commercial websites, a direct disadvantage of using a free email account! I wanted to know what she might be communicating with her boy friend. No clue!

The email "hacking" did not expose my "malicious" intension at the beginning. I thought it funny that she was so poorly skilled with computer.

I did not lose heart, and grew more curious and passionate. Thanks to my good computer skill, I sneaked office hours to make a lovely homepage for her. I searched throughout Internet for a good picture of red rose, a love animation, and a romantic music. After the pages were built up, I began to worry about what words I should write. Not being a good writer, I had to search for nice words again in the cyber ocean. Finally I made a beautiful mini-website for her. But how could I make her see the site?

One late afternoon I sat before her computer after she had gone. With a bit of windows registry knowledge I planted an e-xecutable code at HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\

Windows\CurrentVersion\Run so that each time she started the machine she would see the lovely page, with a romantic midi.

I was very proud of this trick, and started to be delighted at how she would look like at this carefully made website, solely for her.

Very strangely nothing happened. She remained the same peaceful and undisturbed. By that time I had to believe a saying "A woman's heart is deep like ocean".

SARS Opportunity

When SARS broke out, the whole office panicked. My boss went so far as to order us not to talk with one another during lunch. So we had many funny, silent lunches together. Mouth masks were everywhere; People looked at each other in a suspicious way; Everything was weird!

Soon another chance came to me. Chinese traditional herbal medicine was believed to have a holy prevention against SARS. Many colleagues were drinking the medicinal soup. A student, She could not boil the herbs for soup. Then I mademy dear mother to the trouble of boiling a big pot. I said that it was for someone special. Mum smiled affectionately and wished me good luck. (I am still guilty for my not having secured a girl friend for her. I read in her eyes an earnest hope that I get hitched as soon as possible. But, alas, Mom, how can I marry a girl I don't love? I love you and hate to break your heart, but I don't want to break your heart even worse if I had a divorce. Therefore I've decided to take my time.)

I filled up an empty mineral water bottle with the holy soup, my weapon for love. I rose very early the next day and made it to office the first one. I gently put the bottle ather desk, together with my heart. One hour later she knocked at my door and said thanks. She smiled like a fairy lady. I wanted to paint the whole town red. The whole day saw me happy like a spoiled kid.

Still nothing romantic happened.

Gala day of Picnic

There were a couple of other girls and boys who had come to intern at my office, along with my queen. So a nice plan was composed again in my mind. I organized an outgoing at a golden Saturday, to Bi Feng Xia park in Ya'an. We left in two cars, me driving one and my colleague another.

I had long before made a secret buddy of my female colleague, who backed me up in this love endeavor. She took pity of me seeing that I had made no progress. So Daisy was made to sit on my right while I was driving.

The three hours to the destination and another three hours back seemed like my happiest hours in my life, with my dreaming girl right beside! At first she did not talk much. Soon she was excited by the beautiful landscape we drove past, and naturally out of a young girl's passionate heart she was willing to talk with me.

We had picnic beside thriving bushes and gorgeous flowers. Cool breezes relieved us of the travelling drowsiness. Being in the wilderness alone thrilled us all. We were like young, energetic students enjoying our blooming youth, giggling and chuckling all over the hill, through the woods.

We took many pictures. My lovely Daisy also took a lot. I had the honor of shooting many of her elegance and beauty. Then I was shocked when my secret agent made her stand with me for a picture under pink flowers of a big peach tree. It was on a slope, below which was a deep pond.

It had rained. She clung to a little twig to keep balance, but the place she was standing on was wet and slippery. She lost balance, and with a "scared scream" she slipped.

Just on that very moment, I burst out my right hand to grab her by the arm. It felt so soft. I heard my throbbing heart. Almost instantly after I pulled her to safety I let go. There was a word "chemical" in English. I believe there was indeed chemical erupting out of me.

What she was behaving, or whether or not she was blushing I cannot remember. My agent giggled, and took a snapshot of me holding her. Unfortunately the picture ended up too fuzzy as we were moving very fast in that emergency.

The way back was merry like holiday. All young people got so excited they started to sing songs. I sang the most, all to her. After everyone else in my car dozed off, I kept singing all the way back to Chengdu. She said I did have a voice.

I remember that I had written one diary about this trip,but I could find it nowhere.

Farewell My Angel

That was my crazy love. And it was brought to an end when,on a rainy Sunday afternoon I dialed her mobile andproposed to her on the phone. She told me that she couldnot accept me because she was dating. She could notbetray her love. For quite many days I was sad like hell. Then I started to respect her. Such a nice girl, loyal tolove.

"It is unfair to him" was the last word I heard she had said until I bumped into her in the street the other day. And deep into the night I've stayed before computer, writing up this diary, in memory of my true love story two years ago.






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